Yes, those are the personality stats in Persona 4. Yes, I fell in love with this game (currently at Naoto’s dungeon, BTW). That isn’t what I’m going to talk about today, since I can go squeal about how awesome it is after beating it. Today, I am here to do the usual teenage angsting about how much my life and I suck. It’s mostly me who’s sucking, not my life. I shall analyze my stats and explain why I suck.
Expression – I cannot express myself. I suck shit at oral presentations, and during grade 8 when we were forced to play an instrument, I just pretended to play while the other baritone actually played. In P4, there’s a quest where you give a girl who sucks at converstation speaking lessons. In real life, I probably sound like that girl, saying the opposite of what she intended to say. When some girls came up and talked to me (back when I was lonely and emoing about how I couldn’t make any friends in high school), I basically said “Go away you’re annoying! Can’t you see I’m playing PSP?” It wasn’t a surprise when I got friends only during the 2nd semester. How I did it? I went up to a group of classmates and said “I’m hungry. Hand over your lunch.” I’m lucky that people didn’t think of me as an elementary school bully. My expression is probably a level 1.
Understanding – I don’t particularly excel at this either. I’m pretty insensitive towards most people and situations, and only take things at surface level. For 2D characters it’s different, but I cannot read the atmosphere at ALL in real life. Back in grade 5, there was a classmate whose dad died over the weekend. It wasn’t entirely my fault at first since I didn’t know, but I made some jokes about people dying. The teacher overheard and told me to stop joking around because the girl’s dad died over the weekend, to which I responded with a “So? People all die eventually.” They were not amused, and I think the girl ended up crying later on. Yes, I was a jerkass. I’m probably not much better though, since I still do not understand how to react to depressing situations. There was another time in elementary school where I made a girl cry. I don’t remember what I did, but she got pissed at me and tryed to attack me. I thought she was picking a fight, so I started blocking all her attacks (I didn’t have to heart to punch her back though). The result? She stopped, looked sad (with me going “ho shit what do I do she’s pissed), punched me and ran away crying. The whole thing looked like it was totally my fault, and somehow, I think it really was. Later on, I mocked her about how her punch sucked and didn’t even hurt. Some friend I was. Oh yeah, and when she cried after getting 30% on a USA map test? I mocked her about how I had a fever the day before and still got 92%. My understanding is also a level 1. What a jerk, me.
Diligence – I am in no way, shape, or form, diligent. I don’t work. I keep saying that I want to improve my art and anatomy, but I never put forth the effort. The only thing I do is write 31204545 journals on DeviantArt emoing about how much I suck. If it weren’t for the art class my mom made me go to all these years, I would never practice my art. I’m always dissatisfied by the results, yet I never work to improve. This is probably what sets me apart from my hard-working, talented classmates in art. They put their heart and soul into their art; I do it as quickly as possible so I don’t have to do it at home. I never did my math homework, and didn’t even try to improve on the parts I get wrong during tests. When my drawings got criticized by my mom, I used to get hurt and say either A) She doesn’t understand it or B) I’m just a kid and I can improve! Then I proceed to emo about how I never get better and suck compared to everyone else. These days, I can finally see why. My diligence is level -1, if that is possible. There are many ways for me to improve my personality. I just never bother.
Courage – Ok, my courage is actually not bad. I’m very blunt, and don’t even try to say what others want to hear. I stick up for myself in the right situations, although I’d probably never get into those situations in the first place. One time, we had one of those annoying supply teachers who follows instructions left by our main teacher to the word. When she got annoyed of us, she made us work silently and alone for a GROUP PROJECT. A project where we only chose our topics and didn’t even decide on what we need or who will do what. I had a crowning moment of awesome where I stood up and pointed out her flawed instructions and her attitude. One guy actually told me I did a nice job standing up to the teacher. I guess my courage comes from my lack of sensitivity and respect, only desiring to speak what I believe is the truth. I’ve gotten into trouble a few times for this, not that it matters because speaking out in such situations feel very good. I’m also good with haunted houses, and usually have people clinging on to my arms or back when walking through them. That included a guy. Overall, my courage isn’t too bad. I’d give it a level 3 or 4, as I am truly lacking when I want to say a compliment but don’t have the guts to do it. If I think a girl’s ribbon is pretty, I’d probably shy away and tell her “It’s fugly.” Maybe I’m like a little boy…?
Knowledge – It depends on the subject. I easily rage from a -1 to 5. On school subjects, I’m usually above average in academic courses, so I’d say about a 3 on average. There are some I’m better at than others. I did pretty well in math, science and French, but I was lacking in English and during the written parts of my PE summative.
Man…I’m really a jerk, huh? Most people are nice and polite in real life, but become more agressive and true to themselves on the internet. I’m the opposite–I act like a jerkass IRL, but soften up and say my compliments properly online. Maybe one day I can become a jerk with a heart of gold. Yes, I’m done emoing. Wait, what? I didn’t ask “why does the world hate me?” in a dramatic tone yet? Ok, fine then.
“WHHHHYYYYY? WHY DOES MY MOM HATE MY INTERESTS NO MATTER WHAT THEY ARE!? WHY DOES SHE WANT ME TO ‘FIT IN WITH THE NON-OTAKU KIDS’?”
There. The explanation? My mom wants me to dedicate one hour a day to watching American dramas on TV because she thinks it’ll make me become more popular. She wished for the day where I hang out with preppy friends outside of school on a daily basis. Apparently having a lone best friend isn’t good enough. As for the TV dramas…there’s a reason why I don’t watch them. I tried before and they don’t interest me. No, making me watch them every day will not make me like high school dramas. I’m sorry, even in English, I only like animated works.